Love is, Love is Not
by Tossino
Summary: People always say love is so wonderful... and it was. At first. But it soon turns out that it's really not. Not. at. all. Two-shot, AllenxLenalee, LavixKanda hints.
1. Love is

**Happy AllenLena festival~~**

**Title: **Love is, Love is Not

**Summary: **People always say love is so wonderful... and it was. At first. But it soon turns out that it's really not. Not. at. all. Two-shot, AllenxLenalee, LavixKanda hints.

**Pairing: **AllenxLenalee. Hints of LavixKanda, but it's tame, I swear.

**Genre: **Romance, Hurt/comfort

**Rating: **M

**Warnings: **Non-explicit sex (like, barely any description at all, it's more like hints), hints of a homosexual relationship (that's shonen-ai in manga terms ;D xD), character death, fluffness, sorrow, relationship falling apart, sort of, Lenalee saying balls (but she's quoting Kanda so no worries), and err... possible OOC-ness, a little bit? For the sake of comedy, mostly. (I don't really think it's OOC, but someone said so... Hm...) Mentionings of a past kiss between Kanda and Lenalee (an experiment between the two of them, no biggy).

**Disclaimer: **I don't own DGM or any of its characters. It all belongs to Hoshino Katsura. The songs used in the fic are "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz and "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen and I, obviously, don't own either of them.

This is a two-shot. I'm posting the second part after the weekend, hopefully Monday or Tuesday... It's not completely done yet, I have a few more scenes... A song fic, "I'm Yours" for the first part and "Hallelujah" for the second. The first part shows how wonderful love can be and the second shows that it can be really awful too... If there are any mistakes, don't hesitate to tell me~

Enjoy!

* * *

**Part 1 - Love is**

_Well you done done me and you bet I felt it_

_I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted_

_I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back_

Allen had always liked to think that he wasn't some sort of filthy man-slash-boy that walked around oogling on beautiful women-slash-girls. He had always liked to think that the shallow, incredibly beautiful women his master always spent time with - because his master did have a fine taste when it came to women's look, personality not included, mind you - didn't effect him in the slightest. Nevermind the fact that he could always _hear _them unless he decided to spend most part of the night being somewhere else instead of trying to sleep.

The fact was that he was some sort of filthy man-slash-boy that walked around oogling on beautiful women-slash-girls. Sometimes. Because the fact was that he was indeed a young man. Maybe it wasn't exactly filthy, but that was what he thought, because that was what he saw General Cross Marian as, and General Cross Marian oogled a _lot_ of women. But Allen Walker wasn't General Cross Marian, he took pride in that. At least he had some shame.

And then along came Lenalee Lee, possibly the first young woman of remotedly his own age that he had stumbled across, because mostly it was just small girls during his travelling days with Mana (what kid didn't like travelling entertainers?) and beautiful women during his travelling days with Cross (which he would rather not think about).

And Lenalee Lee was a very cute young woman. And beautiful too. Maybe sexy, but Allen normally didn't use that word to describe women, it sounded wrong.

There were times when he couldn't take his eyes off her.

Like when she was smiling, or when she was walking around the Science Section with her tray of coffee, or when she was talking to him and only him, or when he just happened to walk behind her.

...which meant that he always found himself staring at her... butt...

Something he wasn't proud of, but eventually had to accept. Lenalee was very cute, very beautiful and very sexy. "Staring at Lenalee is completely normal, Allen my boy," Lavi had said once and punched him on the back.

And it was that time when he was distracted by Lenalee and her walk, from behind her, that he nearly walked right into some Scientist.

That was when he thought things were getting out of hand.

. . .

Lenalee was one of the very few women in the Order. Not only that but she was also counted as the most beautiful one. She was very much aware of all the attention she got, possibly more aware than her brother, most likely more aware than her brother. Otherwise not many in the Order would live to see the next day, would they? Though she didn't particularly like all the attention she got. And definitely not when it was so obvious they were _staring_ at her.

But there wasn't anything she could do about it, was there?

Allen didn't stare. Allen looked. And that was okay, she thought. She didn't mind that so much. It wasn't only him that looked, anyway, and he at least had the decensy to look away with an embarrassed flush when she caught him doing so.

He was kind of cute. Even if he was stupid and selfish sometimes.

At least he was her age, so it was okay for him to look, it didn't make her feel uncomfortable. Actually, maybe - a little bit - she was interested in him. So it tended to make her flush too. Especially when she had been trying to sneak a quick look on him and it turned out he did the same.

She liked Allen Walker. A lot. It took her a while to realise just how much he mattered to her.

_Before the cool done run out I'll be giving it my bestest_

_And nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention_

_I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some_

Lenalee's smile was possibly the most wonderful thing Allen had ever seen, it felt as if it was the sun shining on him. Lenalee's voice was possibly the most soothing thing Allen had ever heard, it was like soft bells spreading the word of something special. Lenalee's hair was probably the most soft-looking thing Allen had ever laid his eyes on, like one of those shirts you wore when you had days off. Lenalee's legs were probably the most long-looking legs Allen had ever seen, like... the Black Order tower that almost seemed to go on forever. Lenalee's hands were possibly the softest things Allen had ever touched, it felt like... a warm blanket during a cold winter night.

Now he was beginning to sound really silly, wasn't he?

Lenalee was holding his hand with both of hers, so that he could feel it, not over his glove like the last time when his eye had been hurting. She was holding his bare hand, squeezing it, lightly massaging even. It made his heart flutter, it made him a bit giddy, and he was probably smiling like an idiot. Like... Lavi, or something. It really didn't fit the situation, but he did it anyway. Lenalee didn't look at him so she couldn't see, so it was... fine. Her frown was clearly focused on his hand.

"Allen..." It was barely a whisper, so softly yet firmly spoken, and he figured he should probably wipe the smile off his face. "You were lucky last time. You know that, right?"

"Lenalee?" He whispered too. It felt as if the atmosphere had suddenly gotten so fragile and speaking too loudly would break something.

She placed a hand over his heart, softly. "Last time... You were lucky." She finally raised her head to look at him. "Don't keep risking your life. I can't stand the thought of losing you. You won't get another chance..."

He smiled again and grabbed her hand, pulling it to him. She was so close... If he wanted to, he could close the distance and... kiss her. "I won't leave you," he said and clenched her hand a little. "I promise. Don't leave me either..."

The air was strange. It was sober, but there was something in there when they looked at each other. She nodded and smiled a little too, and she seemed even closer. Both her hands were placed against his chest now, palms flat against his uniform. So close, just a little bit more....

Link cleared his throat.

The "something" cracked and crashed to the floor, loudly.

Bloody Link.

"We have a schedule, Walker," the Inspector said and tapped his watch, scowling. "And we're following it."

Lenalee looked very displeased. She stood up abruptly from the couch where she had been seated across from Allen and crossed her arms. "Is it too much to ask for to have even a little bit of quality time between friends?" she asked bitterly and huffed. "What is this 'schedule' supposed to be? Do you have to pull him into your business?"

Link looked taken aback. He straightened up his back and made himself as big as he could, not that it was much. "He has duties, miss Lee," he said and pulled his lips together, showing just a little bit of teeth. His patience was running thin, it seemed. "It is not our business, it's his."

"Then let him do it how he wishes, we're busy. If you would be so kind as to leave us alone for a while."

"I cannot do that, I have strict orders on how to do everything that needs to be done, and Walker is doing it too."

They stared at each other, scowling just as much, and Allen felt a bit... squished. "Uhm..." he said awkwardly and looked between the two, raising one of his hands. But they paid him no mind. The only response he got was a quick glance from Link that told him to stay quiet.

"So that's how it is," Lenalee beamed and raised her hands to the buttons of her uniform. "But me and Allen would really prefer to be alone for _a while_, so..." She looked daringly at the blond and slowly began to unbutton... the uniform.

Wait, what?

Allen's heart struck the roof, it felt as if it was all up in his throat, and he found himself having a bit of trouble to breathe as it hammered rapidly, painfully, his face heating up. What was she doing?! Her slim fingers were so casual, and her neck seemed so suddenly vulnerable, and he just wanted to reach out and touch it, now, stroke his fingertips over it. The skin looked so soft, softer than her hands. He wanted to see if it was true. So... much...

Before he knew it Lenalee sat back down with a very contented expression on her face, and Link was gone. Had he high-tailed out of there the moment she began... doing that? Well, considering that he had refused to go inside his and Allen's room when Lenalee happened to be sleeping there... Probably.

So that was what she had been doing.

"Don't do that, Lenalee," he said and widened his eyes slightly, just to save face, and because if she did do it he didn't know if...

"It got him out of here, didn't it? You need a break from that man sometimes."

"Well, maybe, but..."

"So then don't complain."

She smiled at him and placed her hands back on his chest, just like before. "Where were we, before he interrupted?" she hummed and leaned forward. Was there... something he had missed? Her face was so pretty when she was up close like this, her pink lips looked warm somehow, her nose was... he wanted to touch it. Her eyes were big and wide when she smiled, her eyelashes fluttered when she blinked.

He had to say it, he couldn't keep it to himself anymore, she had to know. Before it was too late. And when Link wasn't around. "I... Lenalee... I like you..."

All of a sudden she was running her fingers through his hair. "You hid this before, right?" she asked silently. He didn't know when she had moved onto his lap, but there she was, straddling him. "I always thought that it was beautiful... It was like you were some sort of holy person. Were you ashamed of it?" Allen didn't get a chance to reply, or worry about why she didn't say anything to his confession. "I like you too..."

She was blushing now, just faintly, and fingered on his uniform. Her fingers felt great when they ran through his hair, softly and carefully, only tugging a little. She was very cute when her cheeks wore that colour. And he had to wonder... why hadn't they done this before? He realised now that all those looks she gave him had to be the same that he gave her, and the way they both looked away whenever their eyes would meet... It had to mean that they had both felt the same for a while, right? If he only hadn't been so scared...

His hands finally move from where they had been lying limply at his sides and rested lightly against the junction where her neck met her shoulders. The skin really was as soft as it had looked, if not even softer, he had the time to think before he lost the ability to do that when Lenalee - or maybe he helped too, he wasn't sure - brought their lips together.

It was very brief, very hesitant, but it was definitely a kiss, and it left his heart beating quickly and his lips tingling. He could feel her touch long afterwards.

_But I won't hesitate no more, no more_

_It cannot wait, I'm yours_

"So what does it make us?" Lenalee asked, smiling widely as something bubbled inside her chest. It felt good to sit in Allen's lap. It was warm and safe and his hands felt great on her neck, lightly pressing against it like that. His eyes were so wide and deep that she felt like she could drown in them when she looked at them for this long, it was surprising she hadn't done that yet.

That kiss had _meant _something. She could feel it in her very bones, in her very soul.

"I guess... it makes us... D-do you..."

The stuttering made Lenalee's heart leap. Allen only stuttered when he was hesitant or nervous. Or both. And it was cute.

"Do you want to be my... g-girlfriend?"

Lenalee smiled widely and planted another kiss right on his lips, one that lasted a little bit longer this time. "Yes!"

It sounded nice. Lenalee and Allen, girlfriend and boyfriend. She could almost taste it on her tongue. It was like chocolate cake. And she had to hug him, tightly, really tightly, Lavi-tightly.

"But what about Komui?" Allen asked, strainedly because of the hug.

The butterflies in her stomach dropped dead. Talk about bursting the bubble.

She leaned back and smiled all too sweetly. "I'll deal with my brother." Honestly, what did Allen think her brother could do about this? She was well old enough to decide this on her own. She wanted to be with Allen, that was all that mattered.

The smile probably did it. "Okay," was his reply, without hesitation.

The all too sweet smile meant serious business.

_Well open up your mind and see like me_

_Open up your plans and damn you're free_

_Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love_

The next morning, Lenalee spotted Allen and a very annoyed-looking Link sitting at a table. So the blond still hadn't gotten over getting chased off. She wondered briefly if he knew, if Allen had told him... And if he would react to seeing her somehow, after what she did. She had left Allen alone before he came back, so he hadn't seen her since yesterday.

She got her breakfast and sat down next to Allen, leaning a bit towards him. "Morning," she chirped and smiled widely at Link, who scowled and looked away with an awkward-looking hint of red to his cheeks.

How amusing. She smirked a little and took a piece of her cooked egg.

"Mo'nin' L'nalee," Allen replied, his mouth stuffed with food, and leaned a little against her as well. He swallowed the food. "Slept well?" He smiled at her.

"Mhm," she hummed as she chewed the egg, leaning her head against his shoulder for a short moment before finally straightening up. She was still sitting very close to him, and she could almost feel his warmth from that distance. "I didn't dream." Which was rare nowadays, and a good thing. Something Allen had gotten to know about not that long ago.

Her dreams most often weren't that pleasant.

"That's good."

She nodded and shoved more eggs into her mouth. "What about you?" she asked and tilted her head at him.

He had managed to get another dish into his mouth. She never understood how they could eat so fast, the parasitics. How they could eat so much she understood, but so fast... She didn't get it. But maybe that was just as well. He swallowed again.

"It was good, the usual," he smiled.

She silenced then and focused on her breakfast so that Allen could focus on his own. It was important for a parasitic after all, that they got to eat properly. Link was looking at her oddly while he ate his cake (he didn't eat much else, did he? Honestly, both of them had to learn to maintain a proper diet. Allen's was filled with meat and Link's was filled with pies and cake and other things like that). She eventually gave him a sharp glance and he looked away, again with a scowl. He should know it was impolite so stare, right? Since he was always so strict with manners and rules.

After Allen whiped his mouth - and Lenalee helped pointing out a place he had missed, ended up whiping it off herself actually - she shifted a little towards him on the seat and put a hand on his knee. Link's gaze snapped over to it right away, eyes narrowed. She glared at him, mouthing a "what" and he huffed, gathering his and Allen's plates and utensils together.

She smiled at Allen's questioning expression. "Did you tell him anything?" she asked silently.

"Yes, of course," Allen replied, without lowering his voice, with a shrug. "He was all suspicious, he thought we had done something else, so I had to explain what the truth was, right?"

She raised an eyebrow slightly, then nodded. Of course that was how it was. She couldn't help but wonder why he spoke as if... Link wasn't there.

"Want to do something?" he asked, his gaze flickering nervously. "I mean, go out or something..." Link cleared his throat, and Allen quickly added, "not outside of the HQ or anything, but go for a walk or something, in the gardens for example." He turned towards Link. "I can do that right?"

"Yes, yes, right," Link said, trying his best to sound unphased. He wasn't succeeding.

Lenalee lowered her voice slightly more and leaned in further to Allen. "Can't we try to shake him off, then?" she mumbled, eyeing him meaningfully.

Allen smiled widely. "I don't think we should do that again, considering we did it yesterday. Too much and we could get in trouble," he said and she briefly wondered what the smile was about. "But that's nothing to worry about, he's like furniture, Link is." He patted the blond's head and laughed when his hand was angrily swatted away. "He's just there, he can't do anything as long as we don't break any rule. Just don't mind him. He's furniture."

"I'm not furniture!"

Lenalee blinked and eyed the two curiously. How did that come up, exactly? Furniture? "Furniture?"

"Yep." Allen beamed.

She frowned a little, but he had said "too much and we could get in trouble". That implied they could shake off Link now and then if they wanted to. Well... that was fine. He sort of just hovered around anyway, didn't he? Alright then.

She nodded. "Okay," she smiled and jumped up, grabbing her tray.

As long as she got to spend time with Allen. And she did love walks, and times when you could just talk casually, nothing too personal.

_Listen to the music of the moment people, dance and sing_

_We're just one big family_

_And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved_

The Order was having a party. It was some birthday, but Allen didn't actually know the person. It was a Scientist, that he knew though. Komui liked to take any chance he could to party. It meant he didn't have to work after all.

Then again, Lenalee had once said that it was also because the Order needed it. They needed that happy mood, the crazy parties, the escape from their reality.

Allen had to go with that. Because it was true. The parties were truly an escape. And Komui wasn't as shallow and selfish as he sometimes seemed.

Music was rare to have on the parties, however. But now there was music. Cheerful, fast-paced. The cafeteria's tables and benches had been moved to make place for the band, and some room for people to... dance. And people were dancing, some of them, twirling around on the floor so fast it made Allen a little dizzy. He didn't really know how to dance.

He and Lenalee were sitting at one of the tables that were still there, chewing on some snacks. Well, he, Lenalee, Lavi and a bunch of other people. Oh, and Link of course. He was focused on his food, but everyone else was shattering away, punching each other jokingly, laughing, acting as if they weren't in the middle of a world-wide war. Allen was content with just watching it, not participating, just eating.

Lenalee muttered something about Kanda refusing to join and getting Komui to send him off on a mission.

Allen mentally thanked the heavens for that.

But Kanda was a part of the family, Lenalee said, Kanda should join in on the small activities, Lenalee said.

Let Kanda decide on his own, Allen said, let Kanda stay if he so wishes to I don't care, Allen thought.

But Kanda was a part of the family. The Order family. They all stood together, supported each other, helped each other.

Danced together.

Lavi tugged both Allen and Lenalee onto the dance floor when they had finished eating. Allen protested ("I can't dance!") and Lenalee... Lenalee said something very weird. "Lavi! Don't!" And although she tried to laugh, like it was a joke, it sounded off.

Allen decided not to think about it too much.

_So I won't hesitate no more, no more_

_It cannot wait, I'm sure_

_There's no need to complicate, our time is short_

_This is our fate, I'm yours_

Allen freaked out when he was called to Komui's office. There was no explanation why, nothing that told him what it was about. If it had been a mission Komui would have said it, if it was some other sort of Order business, Komui would have said it, if it had something to do with Central, Komui would have said it. But he had said nothing, nada. So then what it could be about?

Allen had a guess.

Lenalee.

Him.

Girlfriend

Boyfriend.

Lenalee and him. Being girlfriend and boyfriend.

What else could it be, when Komui didn't say what the issue was and when he spoke in that tone? "I'm going to die am I not?" he asked blankly as he stopped in front of the doors to Komui's office, Link falling up beside him, back completely straight.

"I would think not, if I have anything to say in it, Walker," the blond said stiffly.

"Then you don't know Komui."

Allen hung his head gloomily and pushed down the handles. Showtime, now or never, this is it, here we go...

"You summoned me, Supervisor," he said with a forced steady tone. If he could just keep it steady, this might work... Then again, if he showed fear, maybe Komui would have mercy on him...

Didn't Lenalee say she would deal with her brother?! He mentally cried inside as he stopped in front of the desk. Link should be a comfort to have there, but it wasn't really... Well, at least he had a witness, right? So if he died he would at least get some justice.

"Ah yes," Komui said and smiled all too widely, all too innocently. It made Allen's skin crawl. "I heard something very interesting from a little birdy."

Allen flinched, and cursed himself for that. "R-really?" And he cursed himself for his wavering voice. So much for keeping it steady.

"Yeeesss. Apparently you've made a grab for my dear sister." Komui was stirring the coffee inside his cup, his smile widening even further (how was that possible?!) and his glasses glinting threateningly. Motherfucker.

...Allen did not just think that, not at all.

"Made a grab for Lenalee? She... she was the one who made a grab for me!" he defended himself.

Bad move. That was sort of how it had been, with her forcing Link away and holding his hand and pushing at his chest and kissing him. But but but... It really had been her! But that... that didn't mean it was okay to tell her brother that. It equaled suicide... What the hell was he doing?! This wasn't how he was supposed to handle this. He was supposed to smile and nod and hope to be spared.

Komui stopped stirring and hell flames burst out behind him. "_She_ made a grab for _you_, you say?"

Allen waved his hands rapidly in the air. "Ah, n-n-n-no that's not what I'm saying I... I... My tongue slipped! That wasn't what I meant to say! Ahhh, wait!"

Link coughed loudly all of a sudden, and he jumped, and then widened his eyes as the hell flames died down.

"Lenalee Lee was the one who did everything, Supervisor," he said with that professional tone he always used (how did he have the energy?). "Allen Walker just sat there aside from asking if she wanted to get together. As far as I know. That's what Walker told me, and I happen to trust Walker. Don't jump to conclusions. Everything that happens here will be reported to Central."

Komui smiled and took a sip of his coffee. "I know what happened, Lenalee told me," he said, with a slight dark undertone. "At least, Allen, you're being honest."

"Wha...?" What was going on? Komui was... being calm about this?

"I've known Lenalee likes you for a very long time. Don't look so scared, Allen. I don't like it, but she could have picked a much worse man. Like Lavi." He put the cup back down and eyed Allen for a while, until he was squirming uncomfortably under the gaze. "Do you like Lenalee?"

"Of course, I like her a lot," Allen said before he could stop himself. "Err, I mean, not too much, not so that I'll... I care for her, a lot, I'll do anything for her, but I won't... I can be trusted, because--"

"_Allen_," Komui cut him off with an amused smile and waved his hand at him. "Just say yes or no. Do you like Lenalee? Will you take care of her?"

Allen sighed silently and gathered himself together. He was making a very big deal out of this, wasn't he? What did he have to worry about, really? It seemed Komui thought it was okay, so he could calm down. He thought that... it would be harder, more complicated, than this.

"Yes."

Komui drank more coffee and eyed him yet a little more and for a moment he thought he would die on the spot, but then the Supervisor waved a hand at him. "That's all I wanted to hear. You can leave."

_D-d-d-do do you, but do you, d-d-d-do_

_But do you want to come on_

_Scooch on over closer dear_

_And I will nibble your ear_

Allen was getting used to the whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing. It was rare that they managed to steal some alone time, what with him being under supervision and all that, but after all Link was just furniture, he was just there. So it was tolerable. At the moment, the Crow was doing some paperwork and Allen was reading a book while having one of his arms around Lenalee, who was leaning towards him. Timcanpy was fluttering about, pulling at Link's braid here, tearing up some empty paper there, just being generally restless. Lenalee was warm against him like that, and it was very pleasant, and not even Link scolding Tim could disrupt the soft peace inside his chest, where it was brewing silently, bubbling just slightly.

Lenalee's smell was heavy around him, like a warm cosy blanket. They were in their own nice little bubble. It was something Allen experienced for the very first time. He could get used to it.

Then it hit him that he wasn't even looking at the text, he was just staring blankly at the page. So he looked at Lenalee instead, her jaw, her cheek, her ear. And he felt a sudden urge to lean in towards that ear and take it between his teeth.

He shook his head a bit and frowned a little. Okay... that was odd. Had he become Tim all of a sudden or something?

The ear just looked nibble-worthy.

There was a fluttering noise next to his own ear and he only had the time to blink before some all-too-familiar teeth sunk into the flesh.

"OW OW OW OW!" he cried and jumped up, very effectively bursting the lovely bubble.

"What in the world, Walker?!"

"Allen?"

"TIM!"

The golem grinned.

_I've been spending way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror_

_And bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer_

_But my breath fogged up the glass_

_And so I drew a new face and I laughed_

Call him insane, call him crazy, call him weird. Allen wouldn't care, not really, because he was busy trying to figure out how to move his tongue by looking at himself in the mirror. But that was sort of hard, you know, because there was the problem with breathing. The glass got foggy, and he couldn't see anything. So he tried to stop breathing for a little, but it still didn't work out like he wanted it to.

He stuck out his tongue at his mirror image. It happily returned the gesture. "You move your tongue like... slowly, right?" he asked the mirror image, but he got no reply, because the mirror image didn't want to help. "Just push it? Or do you... stroke too? I know that your tongues are supposed to touch. I think. But..."

Was there anyone who could give tips on how kissing with tongue worked? Someone that it wouldn't be completely awful to ask? He knew how it worked in theory, of course. At least, he thought what he knew was correct. But he wanted to know more, if that was possible, because he wanted it to be good, for Lenalee's sake. To him it was a big step. But his mirror image didn't want to help.

Was it a big step for her?

Well, anyway, he wanted to make sure he had some sort of clue. Only for her sake. And because he didn't want to make a fool of himself. But would he make a fool of himself by simply asking someone that question? He put his forehead against the cold glass, frowning. "How do you kiss with tongue?" Argh.

Had any of the Scientists kissed anyone? They were adults, he would sort of expect that... But he wasn't close enough to anyone of them. And Komui could be lurking around them, you never knew. And asking Komui? HAH.

He shuddered.

Lavi had all of his stories about girls... And they, Lavi and him that is, talked a lot. A lot. About small things, and deep things, when Lavi didn't talk his mouth dry with stories. Allen had found himself sharing his past with the Bookman-in-training one day, all of a sudden. He could talk with Lavi. Right? About this...

"Thanks for nothing," he said heartfully to the mirror image before he left the room. Link was waiting outside. He would have to shake the blond off, because no way was he talking about this with that guy around.

. . .

He found the redhead in the library. That wasn't a big surprise, was it? Lavi was draped over a couch with a book on his hands, his eye moving from side to side way too quickly for being human. In Allen's opinion, at least, but he was sure he wasn't the only one who thought so. He sat down on the small spot that was still free and tried to figure out which was best; the blunt approach, or the more slow approach. The subject was... weird. Or at least embarrassing. He was a reserved young man, give him a break.

Lavi finally peered up from his book. "Hey, Allen. What's up?" he greeted with a wide smile. "Ya look like there's sumthin' ya wanna say."

"Hey, Lavi, yeah... Uhm..." Allen bit his lip.

He hadn't decided yet, damn it. Blunt or slow, that is the question.

_'Screw you, Hamlet, you're not helping,' _he thought bitterly.

"I was... wondering if you could help me with something," he said and moved to a more comfortable position on the couch as Lavi made space.

" 'Course, anything."

"I want to know... I mean... Do you know... No, of course you do..." He cursed himself. Blunt it was. He had to gather himself together. "I... How do you kiss?"

Lavi eyed him for a moment, visible eyebrow raised and lips turned into an amused smile. Allen wished he could read him, at least for now, because you never knew what was going on inside his mind. He was unpredictable. Though, that would probably lose its charm if anyone knew what he was thinking. It would probably be a fascinating thing to see, though. Or maybe it would be scary, on second thought, considering all the strange things he said.

"What do ya mean by that, Allen?" he laughed and finally closed the book. "It's not that hard, is it? Lips against lips, y'know, you and Lenalee did that already." He tilted his head and his smile widened knowingly. Well, that was nothing, Allen had done that too, before getting together with Lenalee. Yes, seriously. His General was Cross for God's sake. "Unless... you mean something else. Ya gotta specify, Allen, I'm not hearin' ya."

Allen felt his face beginning to heat up. Why did it always keep doing that?! "No, I didn't mean it like that," he muttered and stared at his hands. Don't blush don't blush don't blush. "I want to go further, but I don't know... how to do it... I mean... Do you have some _tips_ on how to..." He frowned and blurted out, "Howtokisswithtongue!"

He squeaked a little as his hair was ruffled and snapped his head back up with a glare. "Lavi!" he huffed and put his hands over his head, straightening his hair back out. "Don't do that!"

"My dear little Bean Sprout is growing up~" Lavi cooed and wrapped an arm around Allen's neck, pulling him to himself and rubbing his knuckles over the top of his head. "Pecks aren't good 'nough anymore, he wants the real thing!"

"L-Lavi!" Allen flushed a deep red and pushed against the redhead to force himself out of the strong grip, but he just ended up choking himself. "Let me go! And don't say it like that, you... _you_... Argh!"

Lavi laughed and let go so suddenly that Allen nearly fell off the sofa. "Alright, Allen," he said happily. "I could go on and on 'bout all the scientific stuff that lies behind a kiss with tongue, like hormones and shit like that, and how ta do it right in theory," - as if Allen didn't know that, please, you... moved your tongues around and stuff, that was obvious - "but that's not what ya wanna hear, yeah? So I'm just gonna be honest with ya. I really dun' have even the tiniest idea of how ta kiss. I've heard a lotta stuff, but that's it."

"What?" Allen had a lot of trouble believing that. "You mean you haven't kissed anyone?"

"Sheesh, no!"

"But... all your stories and all the girls that you met and... knowing you... It doesn't make sense!"

Lavi pouted lightly. "Why doesn't it make sense?" he asked somewhat disappointedly. "Sure, I'm a flirt, but really, that's as much as I'm interested in doin' for now. Flirtin' is fine but kissin' is a on a whole other level. I just haven't met the right girl, y'know. You're lucky." He smiled lightly and poked Allen's nose. "But I've heard that no one kisses the same, so it's sorta not a thing you can get a proper answer on, prob'bly. I'd say your best bet is to talk to Lenalee 'bout it."

"T-talk to Lenalee about it?!"

"Uh... Yeah? What's so awful about that? You're a couple."

Allen groaned and grabbed his head, wagging back and forth. "Don't you understand, Lavi?" he asked with a desperate tone. "I can't talk to her about such a thing! I won't get anything out! And... I'll feel stupid because... what if she's not as worried about it as I am? Actually, what if he she hasn't even thought about it and she'll think I'm awful for doing it!"

"..."

He looked up to check what the sudden silence was about and blinked as he saw Lavi staring at him. "What?" He dropped his hands and frowned lightly. "What's wrong? Did I say anything?"

"Allen... D'ya honestly think she'll react like that if ya bring it up? That's stupid. You're sixteen 'nd seventeen, if course ya hav'ta kiss with tongue. I'm surprised you haven't yet! Ya just hav'ta to do it! 'Sides, if there's anythin' you could worry 'bout, it's if she actually has more experience than you."

"Huh? Why would she have that?"

"She hasn't told you?"

Allen frowned deeper. Was Lenalee keeping something from him? "Told me what, Lavi?" he asked silently, his voice catching on a deeper tone. Oh, if this was something... something... But Lenalee... She wouldn't do anything... bad, right? If she did, it wouldn't be her fault... would it?

"Well, y'know how she 'nd Kanda are like friends from years back, yeah?"

"Yeah..." Allen knew, but he didn't like to think about it. Immature and stupid, maybe? Probably. But he just didn't like Kanda, and he didn't understand how anyone could like him, yet Lenalee and Lavi did, and General Tiedoll (but he could like anyone so that didn't count, Allen thought) and Marie... "What are you getting at?"

"And y'know, they were young, 'nd curious," Lavi said mysteriously and opened his book again.

"Lavi, I don't get--" Allen began with a confused tone, before his brain finally connected the dots. The topic was on kisses and Lavi talked about Lenalee and Kanda being friends and that they had been young and curious and... Oh no. "Wha... K-kanda and... _Lenalee_ has kissed?!"

It just felt as if his world exploded. Lenalee and Kanda being friends was enough but but... they had kissed?! No, no, that was just... No! He didn't need that image, he didn't need it... Oh, who was he kidding, it wasn't the image that bothered him, it was the whole thing in general.

His blood was beginning to boil. Kanda... had kissed... Lenalee...

"Well yeah! ...Allen?"

"Kanda... and Lenalee..." Allen mumbled, his head lowered. "Kanda... has kissed... Lenalee... Kanda and Lenalee..."

"Uh-oh."

_I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason_

_To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons_

_It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue_

Lenalee breathed a sigh as she pulled on the shirt, the soft fabric feeling like heaven after the dirty uniform she had been wearing for the past days. That sure had been a long and exhausting mission, even though it had really been easy. Just a little bit of stray Akuma, which it was hard to be lucky enough to face these days. They were almost always organised, almost always had orders, almost always had a reason to be where they were. The war had changed so quickly in such a short time.

So many deaths...

Shaking her head, Lenalee whiped her eyes. She couldn't keep thinking about that. She had to try to relax. Things had been going well lately, and she and Allen hadn't seen each other for quite a while now. She wanted to be happy around him now, at least today, for his sake, because he would probably feel bad otherwise. He had heard it before anyway, so what did it matter?

She thought about it every day...

But today, just for today, she didn't want to.

She left the baths, hopping on one leg at a time as she struggled to get her thigh-high socks under the rings around her ankles. Eventually she had to stop, because it wasn't quite working to pull on the second one, and she leaned against the wall as she finished the task. She smiled sheepishly at those who passed her in the hallway, not that they were that many. When she was finally done, she continued on her way, her feet thudding softly againt the floor. The new Headquarters was really big, you didn't run into people as often as you did back at the tower. That was a little scary, and Lenalee hugged herself just a little as it felt suddenly chilly even though the building was warmer than the tower had been.

She was relieved to walk back into her room and sink down on the bed. The water from her hair had stopped dripping now, but it still had to dry more before she could comb it. So then what should she do? She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts, but she didn't want to go out of her room either...

Wonder where Allen was...

She perked up when there was a knock on the door. "Come in!"

It was Allen. Her face lit up. "Allen! I was just thinking about you!" And apparently he had managed to shake off Link again.

Allen smiled that warming smile that filled her whole chest with... warmth, and told her why exactly she loved him. The warming smile wasn't the smile he used when he covered up his concerns or tried to fool the others that he was alright. The warming smile was a genuine smile that was much smaller than the one of the mask, but so much more glowing, so much more happy. Lenalee could definitely believe that smile.

"Welcome home, Lenalee," he said and shut the door behind him.

Lenalee knew how much that phrase mattered to him. "I'm home," she said and pulled her feet onto the bed, putting her arms to rest on her knees and her chin on said arms. She smiled back at him. "I missed you."

Arranging that position had been a bit unnecessary, because as soon as Allen walked up to the bed she stood up and pulled him into a tight hug, her breath gosting over his ear. His warmth enveloped her and tugged her into a safe haven, pushing all her worries away and replacing them with love. And when they pulled back a little and their lips touched, all she could think about was him being there with her. And she could only feel all the love she had for him, that was it. Not that she was complaining.

The kiss was very brief, but she refused to let Allen pull away from the hug - something he kept doing for a reason she couldn't understand... maybe he was still a bit awkward - and put her chin to rest against his shoulder. They had only been together for two weeks, after all, and the last week they hadn't even seen each other. He probably still had to get used to it.

"How did the mission go?" he asked and kept holding her.

"Good; it was easy and I only got a few scratches," she said and smiled lightly. _'And no one died,' _she added to herself.

"That's good." She didn't miss how he tightened his grip on her just slightly.

"Do you know anything about Kanda's mission?"

And neither did she miss how he tensed slightly at the mentioning of the samurai's name. She sighed lightly. She knew Allen didn't like him, really, but sometimes she just thought it was ridiculous.

"No," he said, trying unsuccesfully to hide the bitterness in his tone. "Why?"

"Because I'm worried about him of course."

"He'll be fine."

"I know that." At least she wanted to _believe_ that, but it was a little hard... "But I'm still worried, just like I'm worried about you and anyone else."

"Yeah..."

But that wasn't right. Allen usually didn't sound that bitter when they talked about Kanda. As little as they talked about him. Lenalee had just asked a question. She took into consideration Allen's dislike for him and didn't talk about him much, so the least her _boyfriend _could do was to let her be concerned and share it with him, because Kanda sure didn't like when she voiced her concern for him and Komui just overreacted to the concern (that was probably because of what he knew they had done before... but really). There was Jeryy but Allen was, as mentioned, her boyfriend, so she wanted to share some things with him too.

But he usually wasn't this bitter, at least not so obviously.

She pulled back and held him at arm's length, frowning. "Is something wrong, Allen?" she asked. "Did something happen between you two when I was gone? You seem so bitter."

Allen's gaze flickered, but she stubbornly kept looking at him, for quite a while, not allowing him to even try to pull away, and eventually he caved in, the bite on his lip and the defeated slumping of his shoulders being the signs. She had seen those very often, because lately she had perfected the art of easing things out of him.

"I talked with Lavi the other day, about... a few things," Allen said slowly, and she let go of him when he twisted slightly uncomfortably. "And he brought up you and Kanda... And said that you two have..." The words stuck in his throat there, Lenalee could see that.

If Allen had said what he and Lavi had been talking about, she may have been able to guess what it was about. But she and Kanda had done a lot of things, so there were things to choose from. Of course, it was obviously something that disturbed Allen somehow, so that narrowed it down a little...

But she didn't know what Lavi knew either.

"What? You have to say it, Allen, because me and Kanda have done a lot of things."

"...ss...d"

...what? "Louder, Allen, I can't hear you." She frowned and grabbed Allen's shoulders again, shaking him lightly, because he was looking down and he should look at her. "Gather yourself together."

He seemed to shake a little on his own, but at least he looked back up at her. "Kissed! You and Kanda kissed!" he blurted out, rapidly, glaring.

...god...

What the hell did Lavi think, telling Allen _that _of all things?! Of course he would react like this! Sheesh, he was such a kid.

She scowled. "Yes?" she asked and whacked the kid over the head. "So _what_? Don't look at me like that only because you can't stand Kanda and me being close. Don't be an idiot."

"M-me? An idiot?" Allen asked and grabbed his head with an angry frown. "Why didn't you tell me? I deserve to know, don't I? You two... kissed! And I'm your boyfriend! You can at least share that, can't you? Why didn't you let me know?!"

"This is why!" Lenalee stomped her foot into the floor and crossed her arms, turning away. "Because I knew you would react like this! You're unreasonable when it comes to Kanda! And as my boyfriend, you should be able to accept that you're not the only one I love. Why do you get so jealous? I was interested in Kanda once, but it was very brief, just a year, I was thirteen. He was fifteen. We were curious."

She glared at the wall and refused to meet Allen's gaze as he walked so that he stood in front of her. "But I... Curious? But... you were interested once! And what if Kanda... A kiss is a kiss! And--"

"Have you kissed anyone else besides me, Allen?" Lenalee snapped. If he hadn't, then it was just a little bit okay because how could he understand, if he had, then why was he being such an idiot.

"Well, yes, but--"

Ah, then it wasn't okay. "Then you should know that there's a difference between kisses!"

Allen stared. She finally looked back at him, still glaring, daring him to say something else, _daring him_. Did he think she took just any bullshit? He was supposed to know her, so he should know... What did he think of her? He was just being jealous and took it out on her for no reason whatsoever.

"You're such a kid," she hissed.

Allen spluttered. "I'm... I'm a kid?!"

"Yes! You are!"

They glared at each other. For a long while. Or at least it felt like it. Neither of them liked to back down, so it probably was for a long time.

But eventually, Allen's glare began to falter. When he spoke, he sounded hesitant, despite playing tough.

"Do you really love Kanda?"

Her expression softened. Maybe... he wasn't only jealous. Maybe he was a little bit scared too. She didn't want to fight when it had been a while... "Yes, I love Kanda, like I love everyone at the Order," she said gently and raised a hand to brush her fingers through his soft hair. "And even if Lavi gives me a bad feeling, I love him too. I know you don't like Kanda, and I accept that. I don't expect you to like him only because I do. I hope you don't expect me to not like him because you don't."

"I never--"

She put a finger to his lips. "Don't interrupt me, Allen." She glared just a little. "Yes, I kissed Kanda. But that kiss was just exciting, a little bit, because it was new, but it was just a very small touch of lips. No pressing, and it was over the moment it started. And it was definitely not more than that, no tongue or anything. I promise. But kissing you is so much better. Because I love you. I _love _you, Allen Walker. Sometimes you annoy me, but I really want to be with you. You and no one else."

She silenced, and Allen seemed to take that as a cue that he could talk again.

"But what if Kanda still..."

"And? Even if Kanda would be interested in me, that wouldn't make a difference. But he's not." She stroked Allen's cheek. "We're just friends. That's how it is." She tilted her head a little. "I'm surprised Kanda told Lavi about that, though. It's quite personal, you know."

There was silence for a while. Allen seemed to decide that he was done talking about Kanda. So he switched the subject.

"Lavi has never kissed anyone..." was said new subject.

She was okay with that.

"What?" She blinked at him.

"I know, that's how I reacted too."

He smiled sheepishly, then as she began to laugh he hesitatingly joined in. "Are you serious?" she giggled.

"That's what he said," he chuckled. "Said it like it was obvious too."

She smiled and sat back down on the bed. She pulled at his sleeve to get him down on it too. "What did you and Lavi talk about anyway? How did it make Lavi mention me and Kanda's kiss?"

And she brought it up again. But she really wanted to know. And it was still focused more on Lavi - and Allen - than Kanda. So the white-haired Exorcist had to accept it.

"Ah, well, uhm, I..."

It had to be something important if he was stuttering like that. So she stayed silent and smiled at him, tilted her head only just a little to show she was listening. Any more and he would probably just get more nervous.

"I asked him... if he had some tips on how to... kiss with tongue..."

Allen said it so silently Lenalee had to take a moment to decide if she had actually heard it right. Then, her smile widened and she turned on the bed, crossing her legs as she faced him. "You want to try that?" she asked cheerfully. She wasn't exactly in a hurry, but she had been wondering if Allen would actually ask about it, mention it, or make that move. It was a pleasant surprise.

He scratched his head a little and looked at her for a moment, before he turned to face her as well, leaning back on his heels. "Yes... I think so," he said slowly, then smiled sheepishly. "I mean, I _do_."

She laughed a little. He was always so modest, but he seemed to be working on it. She wasn't sure why, she had never told him that he should loosen up a little. But maybe Lavi had, or something. That was possible. She didn't complain, though. Not that it would hurt anyone.

"You know you don't have to hide anything from me, Allen. Anything you want to do, you can tell me."

"Yeah... Same to you."

She fingered a bit on the blanket. Well... she could have brought up the tongue thing herself, probably... That was her mistake. "We don't keep things from each other anymore, okay?" She held up her pinky finger. "Pinky swear?" She giggled.

Allen giggled too and hooked his pinky finger with hers. "Deal."

Then, by using that hook, she pulled him up a little before she put her hands against his jaw. Her eyes fell shut and she parted her lips slightly as she kept pulling him closer, but just a little, because he leaned in mostly by himself. There was his breath against her lips the moment before she felt the now-familiar warmth of a kiss. There was a tiny bit of pressure and hands on the back of her neck, and then she felt something hotter, and something wetter, than Allen's lips brush against hers. And then there was a hesitant, very hesitant, tongue in her mouth that traced her upper teeth.

She smiled a little, as much as she could, which was a tiny up-turn of her lips, and moved her tongue against her... boyfriend's tongue.

She really liked the sound of that.

It was messy, it was wet, and it wasn't particularly pleasant, and of course they were both new to it. The movements were careful, and... _ticklish_. Lenalee had to struggle not to laugh, especially when Allen's tongue just barely touched the roof of her mouth. But it was okay. Then, when Allen leaned closer, their teeth collided and they immediately pulled apart, just as rapidly.

"Ow."

They both covered their mouths with their hands and took a few deep breaths, then their eyes met and they burst into laughter. "I'm sorry," Allen said between laughs after a few moments.

"It's okay," Lenalee replied and put her arms around him, leaning against him as she laughed into his collar.

He soon fell backwards, his strength betraying him, and she went down with him. The laughter was still bubbling in her chest as tears began to form in her eyes and surely it would keep bubbling for a while. Soon they were gasping for breath as they held each other and it was very warm and very wonderful. Her room seemed even more welcoming than before.

Slowly, they gathered themselves together, the laughter slowly dying out. Once it did die out, they just lay there, Lenalee on top of Allen, her chin against his shoulder, and caught their breaths.

"Better watch out for the teeth," he said eventually, when she had raised her head to look at him, a sheepish smile on his face. They laughed again, but not as long, and she pressed her lips against his, though just for a moment.

She rolled off him and grinned all the way to her ears up at the ceiling. It was amazing how much you could love someone. She loved everyone, but the feelings for everyone and the feelings for Allen were so very different. It was the most wonderful thing in the world, like the sunlight against her cheeks, like the moments with her family during the Order's most happy times, like feeling that you had someone there to load off all your worries on, like when there were smiles on everyone's faces, when they would laugh together, kiss, hold each other... And it would fill her whole chest with warmth and bubbly happiness that threatened to burst.

It was the most painful thing in the world, like losing a loved one, like knowing that you could have done something else to save someone but didn't, like knowing you left someone behind and knowing it was too late to apologize, like knowing that someone's dreams were crushed because you - because she - left them - left him - alone for a little too long, when she would miss him, wonder if he was alright, wonder if they would see each other again... And it would make it hard for her to breathe because it felt like her lungs and heart twisted into tight knots.

She turned back towards Allen and put an arm across his chest, pressing her nose to his shoulder, his left shoulder, and breathing in his scent. "Yeah," she agreed. Right now she would let the bubbly happiness threaten to burst, she wouldn't feel anything else.

He lazily stroked his fingertips over her arm, his hooded eyes fixated on the ceiling. He was thinking, she could tell. She lifted her chin to get a better look at his face, his eyebrows just slightly drawn together, lips turned down and slightly pursed.

"Allen?"

"Do you and Kanda share everything?"

Was that still bugging him? Lenalee sighed silently and lightly stroked his hair. "Not everything," she said and tilted her head a little. "But a lot of things. We talk about the now, not the future or the past."

"You tell him about us."

It was a statement, not an accusation. "Of course I do, even if he doesn't like talking about you." She smiled playfully and kissed Allen's cheek. "You two are surprisingly alike."

He huffed and frowned. She ignored it. Her point about him being a child still hadn't changed. Kanda was a child too. "What does he say about it?" Allen asked. Lenalee didn't think he had ever been that curious about knowing anything about Kanda. It was a little bit amusing. Was her boyfriend jealous of her best friend?

"He says that if you hurt me or don't satisfy me I can tell him and he'll cut your balls off for me," she said with a cheerful giggle and squeezed Allen a little with the arm around him, nuzzling her nose against his ear. His stumped expression just made her giggle more.

She could clearly see the thought _'Did Lenalee just say "balls"?' _passing through his mind. She was just quoting Kanda.

"That's... good to know," he said slowly, his eye twitching.

She beamed at him. "Don't worry, you satisfy me perfectly fine." And he wouldn't purposely hurt her, would he?

_But I won't hesitate no more, no more_

_It cannot wait, I'm yours_

"Mmf!"

Lenalee's grip was very tight on Allen's shoulders as she kissed him, forcefully, passionately, and pushed him back against the wall. What in the world was she...? Where did this...? What...?

...by God that kiss was amazing. He was left gasping for air when she pulled away after a quick bite to his lower lip. Link was standing there, and cleared his throat, but Lenalee ignored him. Completely.

She was learning. With the whole furniture thing.

"Lenalee, what in the world?" he asked breathlessly, only now noticing his hands were at her waist. They must have gone there during that kiss...

"I just wanted to do that," she smiled. He was somewhat thankful she was breathless, too, or he would have felt sort of... weak. Then, she leaned in towards his ear, and whispered. "I love you. I'm tired of us tip-toing around each other. Let's just... relax, okay?"

He nodded slowly, and smiled as well. "Okay."

And he licked her ear.

_(I won't hesitate)_

_Open up your mind and see like me_

_(No more, no more)_

_Open up your plans and damn you're free_

_Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours_

_(It cannot wait, I'm sure)_

Lenalee stepped on air. That was what she did. Those who saw her called it flying.

Sometimes she was called a hero.

She didn't think she was a hero, not really. Facing the horrified masses after taking care of the attacking Akuma was always a bit unnerving. The looks of awe, fright, shock and wonder... she didn't like to have those aimed at her.

A small child was tugging at his mother's sleeve, but she didn't pay attention to the boy. "Mum, that's the flying girl." He tried to whisper, but it was way too loud so she heard it anyway. She frowned a little, but didn't say anything about it and clasped her hands behind her back, bowing her head.

"I'm sure you're all very shocked and haven't managed to understand the situation," she said politely and smiled lightly at them. "But I'm afraid I have to ask you to pack any necessary belongings you may have left and follow me. You're at a risk here. I'm sorry."

The Earl was aiming for this town. It was some economically important town in Sweden, something about mining. Earl was aiming at it, sending Akuma force after Akuma force. They had decided evecuation was in order. Hopefully this breather wouldn't be as short as they had been all the other times... so that they could do that.

The Earl's purpose? Wipe the town to the ground.

"Take a few minutes and then come back here. We don't have much time."

There were people that refused to leave. Lenalee didn't have time to deal with them, neither did she particularly care. Those who protested and didn't head off to pack she ignored and walked back to where Lavi, Allen and Link were standing. Lavi was leaning against his anti-Akuma weapon, eyeing the horizon that you could see from where they were - the main street - with a small frown. Allen looked very troubled as he watched the people who were still standing around or sat down on the ground and the like. Link's arms were folded across his chest as he nodded approvingly at her. She sent him a hint of a smile.

Their opinions were actually quite alike sometimes.

Allen on the other hand... He was bitter. He thought that their desicion not to bother with those who refused to pack was a waste of human life. Maybe that was true, but it wasn't as if a lot of the town's population was still alive anyway... so they really weren't that many. They had to think about their mission; protect the town at any cost. To do that they couldn't waste time on stubborn citizens...

Lenalee put her arms around Allen anyway and buried her face in his dusty coat. Not that it would make much difference anyway, because her face was already dirty. And he hugged her back.

Because they loved each other.

She smiled and felt better, much better. She didn't like to see that he was unhappy with this decision, because she had been there to make it.

She was just about to go back to where the crowd was gathering again, when Allen suddenly screamed "AKUMA".

She widened her eyes and turned around, raising her gaze to the load of Akuma in the sky. The rings around her ankles lit up and spread out until they covered her legs from the knees down to her feet, and whipped back around to the citizens.

"Leave!" she yelled and swiped out with an arm. "In that direction! There's a city not too far away where you can get help for whatever needs you have. GO!"

She didn't see if all of them did leave as she took off towards the sky, but she partly hoped. They were still humans, even if she didn't see them as anything important, so taking some consideration to them was natural...

She smashed through a level 1 and quickly avoided a level 2 that was pulled down to the ground by Allen.

Lenalee owned the sky. No one could beat her up here, no one.

_So please don't, please don't, please don't_

_(There's no need to complicate)_

_There's no need to complicate_

_(Our time is short)_

_'Cause our time is short_

_(This is our fate)_

_This is, this is, this is our fate_

_I'm yours_


	2. Love is Not

Point out any spelling errors, grammar mistakes or awkward wordings, kay? ;D (I'm not sure I got everything I wanted across here, oh well) Enjoy~

* * *

**Part 2: Love is Not**

_Well I heard there was a secret cord _

_That David played and it pleased the Lord _

_But you don't really care for music do ya_

Children were laughing, clapping, jumping, dancing around wildly in circles until they lost their balance and fell. The crowd was loud, it nearly overpowered the music, but the performers didn't seem to mind at all. They were laughing, grinning and spinning on their spots as they played the up-beat melody, the heels of their shoes clacking loudly against the stone street. They were dressed in dirty clothes, really, but they were happy anyway. And thus the crowd was happy too.

The atmoshphere pulled Allen in. He could relate to them, because he had been a street performer himself once.

"Isn't it amazing, Lenalee?" he asked and smiled widely as he turned towards the woman he loved.

Whose expression, at the moment, was very distant... "I guess so..." she mumbled absently.

Allen's mood fell like a stone. "But... look at all these happy people, and listen to the music, and look at the performers! It truly is amazing, what humans can do when they get together," he said in another attempt at getting through to her. Why were her eyes so dead? It was wrong, wrong wrong wrong.

"Maybe," she said and effectively crushed said attempt. With a sad smile, she turned towards him. "It's okay, Allen, but I can't really agree with you, I'm sorry."

Allen's eyes fell to the ground and he shuffled his feet a little. What did she mean by "it's okay"? "Don't worry about it," he said silently and sighed. "We should get back to work... There are Akuma here. They just haven't attacked yet."

Lenalee nodded and lifted his chin with her hand. "You don't want to interrupt this," she said, her voice as warm as a summer day. "But we have to, before they do."

"Yeah..." Allen sighed and activated his Innocence, the white cloak draping over his shoulder and his hand growing into the menacing claw. He made the first attack, cutting through the torso of an Akuma, ignoring the cries of "murderer".

Chaos broke out.

And Lenalee's hope was dying.

_Well it goes like this_

_The fourth, the fifth _

_The minor fall and the major lift _

_The baffled king composing hallelujah _

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah _

Explosions. They were everywhere. In the sky, on the ground, on the walls, on the streets, on the roofs... Everywhere humans turned into dust, covering them in a thick cloud of it, and smoke, as the explosions threw them about. The music the entertainers, that were now dead, had played was still echoing in her ears, the calm pace that they hummed along to and the quick ones that made everyone laugh and dance.

Laugh and dance like she couldn't anymore, and couldn't remember when she could.

Her Innocence made it look like she danced, danced through the sky. But no, she didn't.

She hated when people explained her power like that. She was fighting, not dancing, not flying. And it was tough.

She flew backwards as Allen collided into her, pulling her breath from her lungs. Gasping for air, she grabbed the first thing she could on him and held on tightly as she spun around to soften their collision into the wall. When they hit the ground, they ducked as the roof exploded, panting. She breathed in the dust, and coughed, covering her nose and mouth. It was too much dust, too much smoke. They couldn't see anything.

Allen's Innocence glowed brightly as it it pushed the dust and smoke away, enveloping them both in a white sheet. He wrapped his arms around her, tightly, really tightly, his weight heavy but familiar and very welcome against her back. She put her hands down on the ground as she kneeled and spit out some of the dust. The explosions were still out there. At least the air in here was clear.

"Are you alright, Lenalee?" Allen breathed and loosened his grip on her. She could feel him flinching when there were explosions close by. They were burning his cloak, obviously.

"Yes," she muttered hoarsely. "They'll die, Allen, they'll die. Tevak, Link, Narou, they'll die. It's too much." She was choking, her breath coming out in strained gasps.

"They won't die. Have faith, Lenalee."

"Faith in what? God isn't on our side, I hate God. What am I supposed to have faith in? Just look. The explosions, they're--"

"Have faith in _them_, in _us_, in their skill. They're Crow, they won't die in the first place."

She trembled, her eyes filling up with tears. She didn't let them fall. "They're so many..." she whispered.

But Allen... Allen was crying. His tears hit her cheek and dripped down onto the ground, sinking into the earth and dust. He was crying for the people, he was. And praying. She could see his lips moving in the corner of her vision. From his left eye, blood fell. Tears for the humans, blood for the Akuma... She could cry blood for him.

_Blood is thicker than water._

Why did he cry blood for the _Akuma_?

"Lenalee..." he mumbled tearfully. "If we can't believe in God, and if we can't believe in ourselves, then what are we supposed to be believe in?"

"_Walker!_" Link's voice came from his earring. "_Where are you two?_"

"Catching some air," he said. Link must have noticed how strained his voice was, but he didn't say anything.

Lenalee stared at the blood on the ground, the blood from Allen's eye. Could they believe in anything anymore? "Let's go, Allen. It's enough now."

"Okay."

He let her go, and she dug her feet into the ground. They glanced at each other, and she grabbed his arm. They had to work together.

The moment the cloak disappeared from around them, she shot into the air, high into the air, through all the explosions and the clouds left over from them until she was under the clear sky. There she turned around, holding onto Allen as she eyed the smoke and dust below them. He was heavy, but nothing she couldn't handle.

"Where are they?" she asked silently.

He pointed with his sword and gave her a general direction. She flipped around, feeling the solid air under her feet, and narrowed her eyes. As she shot towards the Akuma, she felt Crown Belt wrap around her, steering her. Moments later, she felt the familiar collision of her heel penetrating the armor of an Akuma, Allen's sword adding to the power. White whips shot out in all directions, piercing and wrapping around Akuma.

Allen gave the positions, pulled the machines towards them every now and then, they destroyed them together. Allen kept praying. Lenalee kept struggling to believe in anything at all.

They were winning the battle. This small battle. But the city had since long lost.

God didn't smile upon them that day. A Crow died, and when the dust finally settled there was no life left.

_Well your faith was strong but you needed proof _

_You saw her bathing on the roof _

_Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya_

The mission was a success. But the town was dead. The wind cast up the dust and ashes from the empty streets when it passed, it whizzled through the holes in the walls and windows, painfully loud in the overwhelming silence. The silence of death, the silence that made a biting cold run up Allen's spine. But it wasn't only that. It was too empty...

"Link... where is Lenalee?" he asked quietly, afraid of breaking the silence too much, afraid of the question, afraid of the answer.

Link's feet kicked up more dust when he approached, brushing off his clothes despite that they were bloody from a deep wound on his shoulder, Tevak on his trail. His eyebrows were drawn together in the usual scowl, her eyes were sharp as she inspected the damage. Answer, damn it, answer.

"Miss Lee is up on the roof," he finally answered, as the clouds in the sky seperated to reveal the nearly full moon.

Which roof, Allen was about to ask, but then he saw her. Lenalee, that is. Her hair was a bit lighter in the moonlight, not so dark, but not glowing, definitely not glowing. He took off towards her, ignoring Link's words that they still had things to do. He knew that, but Lenalee was more important at the moment. They had time, Link, they had time.

He gripped the ledge with white ropes and heaved himself up. Lenalee was standing with her feet on each side of the saddle roof's ridge. Allen had to struggle to walk up to her, because the roof was sloping quite impressively. When he got close, when he could see her properly, he had to wait with talking for a moment. Because, like that, she looked beautiful. Staring off into the distance, her eyes blank, unreadable, her cheeks nearly white. The moonlight sure was strong that night... It made her much more beautiful than she already was.

"Lenalee," he spoke up as he climbed the last bit and stopped behind her, hesitatingly putting an arm around her as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

She didn't move. Just barely whispered his name in reply. He put his other arm around her too. "Are you alright?" he asked silently.

"We could have done more..." she replied, her voice sounding thick.

There had been two Thirds with them today. One had died. Lenalee never really approved of the idea, neither did Allen, but the Thirds had grown to be considered their family. Another one had fallen to the enemy's hands... No citizen had lived, either. The mission was a success, but the loss was great. The Third had been a new one too... Tevak mourned, he could see it from where he stood.

"Yes," he agreed and frowned sadly, looking down, supposedly at the roof though not seeing it. "But it's too late now. But it's okay. Lenalee, it's okay."

He wanted to believe that too. He really did. But this wasn't okay. Lenalee just needed to hear it, that was all... He pressed his lips to her jaw, closing his eyes, breathing in her scent. It was calming.

"We need to finish up," he told her. "We need to finish up and get back to the Order."

_'Your brother needs you.'_

_And she tied you to her kitchen chair _

_And she broke your throne and she cut your hair _

_And from your lips she drew the hallelujah _

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah _

Lavi limped into the cafeteria that morning - meaning, the morning they had gotten back from the mission (Link was in the infirmary. He had gotten quite a nasty wound after all and Matron refused to let him go despite his protests that he "had to watch Walker"). What was strange, because seemingly he was unharmed and as far as Allen knew he hadn't had a mission all that recently. That should probably be considered lucky, but staying at Home too much tended to make every Exorcist jumpy.

"Hey, Allen," Lavi hummed as he stopped behind Allen in the line in front of Jeryy's window. "Did the mission go well?"

Allen sighed heavily and shook his head. "Well, we succeeded, but Narou died, and no citizen survived," he said, eyeing Lavi for a moment. "But surely you know that already."

"Yep," Lavi nodded (_'Then why did you ask?' _Allen thought) and tilted his head a little. "But hey, don't let that get to you. This is war. Not much can be done 'bout it, yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll be alright," Allen muttered and frowned. "Lavi, why are you limping? You're not wounded or anything?" It didn't look like a normal limp, either. It didn't look like Lavi had injured a leg or something. He couldn't put his finger on what it was.

Lavi laughed in the kind of way he did when laughing something off and waved his hand a little. "It's nothing, nothing at all, don't worry 'bout it, hm?" he said, speaking quickly as if wanting to avoid the subject. The British narrowed his eyes. "How's Lenalee doin'?"

Allen swallowed and looked down at the floor, taking a step forward as the line moved. "I'm not sure," he sighed and looked back up, frowning sadly. "She's falling. And she's changing. I... don't know what it is. I'm worried about her. The war, I think it's getting to her." There was a rustling from one of his pockets and Timcanpy fluttered out, sitting down on his shoulder, as a sort of comfort. "I mean, worse than before... There's something that... I wish I knew how to help her."

"Maybe you should talk to Yu." Allen opened his mouth. "Before ya say anything, think a little. You both care about her. You two are the ones closest to her aside from Komui. You two've a better chance of figuring out what's wrong than I do. And Komui is busy with his job, so taking his time may not be the best idea."

Allen sighed heavily and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah... You're right. I guess..."

"Allen dear~" Jeryy cooed. "Don't hold up the line now and give me your order."

. . .

Talk to Kanda... Allen didn't like to talk to Kanda. Obviously. But he must have something to say about this, right? Didn't he and Lenalee talk all the time? Didn't they share things that she didn't share with Allen, her boyfriend? He probably knew things too. Things that Allen pretty much thought Lenalee didn't want to tell anyone, but if Kanda really was so _special_, then maybe she told him all that.

Allen placed his tray down opposite of Kanda and sat down violently, glaring at the Japanese for a moment while shoving in a little bit of his food into his mouth. Kanda cocked an eyebrow. And it was _mocking him_.

He twitched.

"What the fuck do you want, Bean Sprout?" Kanda asked while pulling up some noodles with his chopstick. "Why aren't you sitting over with the idiot rabbit?" He nudged his head in Lavi's direction and snarled. "I don't like pests at my table."

"The name is Allen," Allen snapped. "And the _idiot rabbit_ insisted that I talk to you now before I change my mind." Kanda grunted to show he was listening as he stared into nowhere. "Lenalee. She's not alright. I was wondering if you know anything about it, since you apparently share every little thing."

Kanda rolled his eyes and calmly sipped his tea. Allen twitched again, a vein popping in his forehead. That eyeroll... That was really it! They did really share everything! Such a daring reaction. It was a challenge, wasn't it? A--

Hold it right there. This was about Lenalee, not the time to start a fight. That could wait for _later_. Yes, later.

"Tch. She's worrying of course," Kanda replied dryly, like it was so damn obvious.

Allen wasn't a master at reading people and if Lenalee wouldn't tell him but told Kanda then how the hell could he know?

"Worrying?" he asked, damaging his pride. Just for her.

"Yes. Worrying for her world. _Moron_, aren't you supposed to know her?" Yes, yes he was. But he didn't anymore. For a reason he wasn't sure of. She just... didn't want him to know her... did she? "A lot of her world has been destroyed lately. Of course she's... lost."

"Lost..." he muttered and Kanda simply continued to eat.

Was Lenalee... getting lost within herself?

A cold silence settled between them as they ate. That is, until Kanda finished and insisted on saying:

"You're disgusting, you know that, Bean Sprout?"

"It's Allen!"

"I'll acknowledge your name when you grow some balls."

"Didn't you tell Lenalee you'd cut them off if she asked you to? That means I have them, doesn't it, you muppet?!"

"What the fuck is a muppet?"

"That means you're an idiot, idiot!"

And so they were off again.

. . .

"Well, you can't hear any bad news without blaming them on yourself somehow, can you?!"

Allen flinched back as Lenalee finally whirled around after refusing to look at him for a long time, her eyes narrowed and glowing with anger and...reproach. The words had been so sharp and trembling with suppressed... well, anger, and seeing those eyes just made it hurt all the more.

It wasn't the first time she had said something like that, but... never like this.

He had been hoping to find out what was wrong. But she didn't answer. And he didn't understand what he had done wrong. He was just... he just took responsibility, what was so wrong with that? He didn't want to say that it wasn't his fault, because it didn't feel right. What was so wrong with that?

"But I--"

"I don't NEED someone who apologises and comes with excuses for everything bad that happens in this war!" she interrupted. "You don't HAVE to apologise because it's never your fault, Allen! This is war, people DIE! I don't need someone to tell me it's okay, because it's NOT! I just need someone who can listen and understand, without apologising or blaming himself or thinking there was something that could've been done! If someone dies it's no one's fault but the Earl's, if someone dies the only one to blame is the Earl, if someone dies there is nothing that could've been done to prevent it because we're in a war and the Earl is trying to eliminate every force we have!"

"There's always something that could've been done, Lenalee!" Allen snapped. This wasn't like Lenalee. It wasn't like Lenalee to say that there was nothing that could be done to prevent death. That was just stupid. "And sometimes you _do _need to hear someone say that it's okay, even if it's not, because it gives you strength! Doesn't it?"

"Not me!"

Allen swallowed and pressed his lips together. His throat was aching something terribly. It had spread from his chest, and it was just continuing to spread, up his face. But he wasn't going to cry, damn it.

It used to help. Telling Lenalee that it was okay used to help. And he said so.

"It used to."

Lenalee stared at him, mouth open, prepared to say something. Timcanpy hovered beside them, his wings swooshing quietly in the silence. He was anxious.

"But it's not okay," Lenalee finally said, hands clenched, legs tense, eyes still narrowed, in a glare. "I hate this war. We're losing it, aren't we?"

"We're no--"

"The _truth_, Allen!"

"...it's not going well..."

"Then stop talking as if we can win."

Lenalee dared him to object to her. She wasn't going to change her mind, was she? It was--

_Ba-dump._

Something pulsated and stirred, pain shot through his whole body and he tensed, teeth clenching together and eyes shutting tightly. Not now! Damn it damn it damn it. He was Allen Walker, an Exorcist of the Black Order who fought for both Akuma and humans, and he loved Lenalee Lee very very much. His goal was to defeat the Millenium Earl and save the world from its demise. He was _not_ a mad Noah who wanted to take over the Millenium Earl's position for whatever reasons. And no matter what anyone said that wasn't _goddamn_ _changing_.

He took a deep breath as the pain disappeared and he opened his eyes again. Lenalee was looking at him with wide (oh thank God they weren't narrowed anymore) and concerned eyes.

"I'm fine," he breathed and swallowed blood, removed his hands from his head, reaching out one of them to pet Timcanpy, who had flown over to him and was watching him intently.

"Don't disappear, Allen," she whispered.

He smiled sadly. "I won't."

She swallowed and looked away. "I have things I need to do," she mumbled and frowned. "I'll... see you around."

Allen reached out for her hand, but she turned and walked away before he managed to grab it. It was suddenly hard to swallow.

_'Why does it have to be this way?'_

. . ._  
_

"Y'know, Allen, kisses are pretty damn amazing," Lavi stated and flopped down next to him with a snicker, putting an arm around him.

"Ack! Lavi, I'm trying to think here," Allen said testily and dropped the king.

"Hey, Johnny, Timothy," Lavi greeted the others happily and practically _clung_ to Allen. "Seriously. Kissing is _awesome_, don'tcha think?"

"Yes, yes, it's absolutely incredible," he sighed and put the king back, picking up the bishop instead.

He didn't _really_ want to talk about such things right now, because after all he had just had a bit of a fight with Lenalee and he didn't need the reminder of their good days. It just hurt. But he tried to act like his normal self anyway.

Timothy raised an eyebrow at Lavi and stuck his face in front of the redhead's. "Kissing sounds gross," he said simply before flopping back down next to Johnny and grabbing his feet with his hands, smiling widely.

"You say that now, but that's just because you're a brat," Lavi stated and stuck out his tongue at the youngest Exorcist currently in the Order.

Johnny sweatdropped and looked between the two of them with raised eyebrows. Allen could almost read his mind. _'Timothy isn't the only brat around here.'_

"Who did you kiss anyway?" Allen asked blankly after he had made his move. Not that he was all that curious to know, not really, but... meh. Might as well ask anyway.

"I'll tell ya another time, when we can talk in _private_," Lavi answered mysteriously.

Allen frowned at him, but then just shook his head a little as the redhead walked off humming. He didn't understand that guy most of the time...

_Well baby I've been here before _

_I've seen this room and I've walked this floor_

_You know I used to live alone before I knew ya_

There was something about Lavi and Kanda that was strange where they sat on a couch further away in the lounge. Strange in the way that it somehow gave off the same vibe that Allen had when he was together with Lenalee. Well... Like he and Lenalee _mostly _were when it was the two of them that seemed to be the only thing in focus. They were talking silently, more silently than they usually did, in the kind of silent way that... couples did. Almost. And Link was sending them very suspicious glances.

And Lavi's smile was very odd. It was so... small, but so very soft and genuine and... warm.

"Lenalee, what's going on between those two?" he mumbled, leaning towards her and eyeing her, ignoring Timcanpy's tugs on his hair in a quest for attention.

Lenalee smiled at him. "They're close," she said simply.

And that was obviously all she was going to say. Allen sighed and accepted it. He didn't want to anger her now that they were having one of their better times. The atmosphere in the room was just overall relaxed.

Did Lenalee understand that he had given himself to her? That he had opened his soul to her, that he didn't walk his path alone anymore like she seemed to think? That belief was what caused all of the trouble they had with their relationship... He didn't walk alone anymore, he had allowed her inside. But he couldn't help questioning if there was anything he could have done to prevent things. She kept accusing him of shutting himself in and putting it all on himself. She kept saying that was why she didn't tell him things anymore.

He didn't understand... He loved her more than anything. If she just wanted someone to listen, then he could do that. He could. But she didn't give him the chance now. She only talked to Kanda.

He glared at the Japanese, who was pulled to his feet by Lavi and dragged out of the room.

Link scoffed and kept scowling after them.

Allen finally grabbed Timcanpy from the air and absent-mindedly stroked his fingers over his wings.

"I love you, Lenalee," he said.

The look she gave him was dark. He was getting much more used to that than he wanted to be. Than he should be. It was familiar now, that she looked at him like that.

It was beginning to anger him.

He pressed his lips together and looked away as Timcanpy affectionately nibbled on his finger. Yes, Timcanpy did know how to do that without injuring anything.

And that was when it hit him. The one that Lavi had kissed was... _Kanda_.

_And I've seen your flag on the marble arch _

_And love is not a victory march _

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah _

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah _

"I told you that brat wouldn't last long."

Allen gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, glaring at the coffin. Kanda's words cut into him like a big knife in his open wound, twisting and turning and digging deeper. _"But it could have been prevented," _he wanted to say, because Kanda would just brush it off as stupid naïveness. If they had paid more attention, if Allen had paid more attention, it could have been prevented. Would Kanda have cared even if he had been paying attention? Allen didn't know anymore.

Timothy was just a kid. A kid, dragged into a war like this. He didn't deserve this fate. He didn't deserve it...

Suddenly there was a hand clenching his shoulder, so very painfully. He didn't need to look to know whose hand it was. "Who... is that?" Lenalee asked. Allen could see her face inside his mind; her wide eyes, the moisture in them, her mouth open in shock, her lower lip quivering, her forehead drawn together in a worried frown.

He didn't want to say it.

He didn't have to.

"Timothy," Kanda answered for him.

He actually felt thankful for Kanda's ability to be so damn blunt.

Lenalee drew a wheezing breath, let out a long whimper, and dragged Allen with her as she sunk to her knees. Kanda looked at her for a moment, then turned on his heel and walked off with his head lowered. The bastard. Allen glared after him as he pulled Lenalee against him, holding her tightly, burying his nose in her hair. Lenalee didn't sob. She cried silently. The only time he had seen her not do so was in that dream he had when he had nearly died, but how much could he rely on that...?

Not much.

No, Lenalee Lee cried silently with her head lowered, allowing the tears to fall onto Allen's sleeve.

He looked up at the sound of footsteps and spotted Komui and Reever. Their expressions were concerned and the black lines under their eyes were clearly visible. They were both stressed, barely slept anymore and had one hell of a workload. Allen didn't understand how they managed, he really didn't. Not that being an Exorcist was any better, was it?

What was worse... Facing death daily, or watching people face death, and sometimes dying, daily?

The scientists stopped in front of the row of coffins that were, thankfully, not many, not as they usually were.

"Timothy Hearst, Toma Ayre, Julian Hirsch, Gervaso de Souza, Adela Backhaus and Leander Moore: Killed in action," Reever said with a blank tone, reading off a paper from a clipboard.

Wait... Allen's eyes widened. Toma? Toma was... dead...?

Maybe it was a surprise he had stayed alive for so long... He was a real survivor, wasn't he?

Allen squeezed his eyes shut and buried his nose in Lenalee's hair again.

He heard Komui say:

"Welcome home."

. . .

"Kanda... How did Timothy die?"

Lenalee fingered on the mattress of Kanda's bed, her knees pulled up against her chest. She liked to be in Kanda's room. It was always quiet, even if it wasn't very welcoming. Aside from the few plants that were in there, that is, which Kanda was actually watering right now. Lenalee liked to look when he took care of his plants, too. It made him show another sort of calm than when he meditated. Somehow, she preferred that calm. It felt more... real.

"He got caught off-guard because he lost his focus," Kanda said blankly as he inspected one of the plants, lightly brushing his fingers over its green leaves. "And he got over-confident. A brat like him had no place on the battlefield."

She bit her lip. She knew Kanda would answer in that kind of way, he always did, but it still hurt a little to hear him say that about someone who was no longer with them. Wonder if Allen had something to add... and if it had been possible to save Timothy. But then, they would have done that, right? Allen surely would and Kanda wasn't that bad of a person. He would protect his comrades... He would.

"I see," she said silently. "But Kanda, weren't you out on the battlefield at his age? And I was... At least I was just a child..." She wasn't sure if the age she recalled was correct.

Kanda put his watering can in the corner where he always had it, turning away abruptly so that she wouldn't see his face. But she managed to see it briefly, and she knew that expression very well. It was the kind of frown he wore when something angered him more deeply than any teasing or taunting from Lavi or Allen did, because teasing and taunting were just pesky small fry that didn't matter, not really, not in the long run. This mattered. In one way or another, this mattered.

But it wasn't Timothy. Kanda hadn't been close to Timothy, so he wouldn't care about the boy. No... It was something else.

"Kanda?" she asked softly. "Are you okay?"

He snorted and crossed his arms. She was pretty sure he was glaring at the wall. "Of course I am," he grumbled. "I don't care about that brat." But it's something else, Kanda, Lenalee wanted to say, but she didn't get the time, because he continued talking. "Are _you_ okay?"

She swallowed and looked down at her arms where they now lay across her knees. "I don't know..." she said slowly. "Tell me, Kanda... It's something else. Tell me." She wasn't dropping the topic. She wanted an answer for her question before he got a proper one for his.

You couldn't just change topics on her, no sir.

"It pisses me off," Kanda growled angrily.

Well, that much was clear. But he didn't say anything more. It was usually like that; Kanda was a man of few words, very few, so asking questions that normally shouldn't need to be asked were usually necessary to ask.

"What does?"

"Fuck..." he muttered, barely audibly from where she was sitting. She eyed him worriedly. Swearing was always bad, because Kanda didn't _really_ swear that much. Actually, it was more like he didn't often say that particular word... But there was still times when he could swear so badly that-- okay, Kanda swore a lot.

What he said next was said very quickly, and very angrily.

"The Order are a bunch of bastards who think everything they do is right even when it comes back to bite them in the ass later on. Experimenting on people who hasn't done shit to them, putting the Sprout under fucking watch for suspecting he's a fucking traitor when what he lives for is destroying the Akuma - the idiot - and now sending off a fucking brat into the field when he wasn't _ready_."

Lenalee knew there was something left unsaid, but it didn't need to be said.

She knew.

Forcing people away, forcing _her _away, and manipulating them until they either caved in or were left as dead shells, tied up to a bed in a dark and lonely room...

"I know," she mumbled. "I know..." And that was all she could say...

Kanda hated the Order.

"Are you okay?" he asked again.

"I'll be alright," she answered.

She gave him a small sad smile as he turned back around.

She hadn't said she was okay. She wasn't really. A part of her world had disappeared. She and Timothy hadn't been close, but still... she cared about him. Because he was, after all, family.

But she would be alright.

She would.

. . .

"I'm so sorry, Lenalee."

Allen was bowing in front of her, in that kind of way that he had done in the beginning when he apologised for something but usually didn't anymore. So then why did he do it now? What was it supposed to mean? She personally thought they were past that.

Lenalee frowned. "For what?"

"For Timothy... I failed, Lenalee, I failed. I didn't pay attention and he--"

"It's not your fault, Allen." She scowled, speaking the words in a sharp tone that was supposed to give no room for protests.

There he was again, putting everything on his own shoulders, blaming it all on himself, thinking that he could have _done_ something to prevent it when he _couldn't _have. A part of her world might have disappeared, but she wasn't looking for someone to blame it on, she wasn't looking for someone to apologise to her because it happened, she wasn't looking for someone to tell her why. Because she knew who was at fault, she knew who should feel regret enough to apologise, she knew why.

It was the reason that this war even existed.

"Stop carrying the whole world on your shoulders. Let us carry it together with you. And raise your head."

And this was why she didn't tell him everything.

She knew she was breaking a promise, but she was so tired of him taking it all on himself like that when they were supposed to deal with it _together_.

She walked away without another word.

Because she had important things that she had to do.

_Well there was a time when you let me know _

_What's really going on below _

_But now you never show that to me do ya_

It was only a few months ago that Lenalee told Allen everything. Everything that troubled her, everything she thought about. Like they had promised. Back when things seemed so great, when things were so new.

A while ago, she stopped doing that.

A while ago; more precisely when Timothy died.

But maybe a little bit before that too. The hints had been there for a while. The flickering gazes, the half truths, the occasional avoidance of a subject.

Where did their promise, that _she_ initiated, go? Didn't it matter anymore? Didn't she want to share things with him anymore? It hurt him, and he finally realised just why she hated it so much when he kept things from her. It really, _really _really, hurt. It made him wonder if he even mattered to her now. It was as if she threw him away, as if she didn't care about him.

She always told him not to be selfish.

Well, Lenalee, what about you, he wanted to tell her. What about you. What about me.

He didn't want to ask her. He wanted to _tell _her.

But she avoided the subject like the plague.

And that left him at a loss of what to do. Because he couldn't keep pushing at it. He wasn't as forceful as her. He couldn't just continue to press the matter until she caved in. Because she was... breaking as it was. He was afraid to make it worse, so _damn afraid_. He just prayed that it wasn't like it seemed, or that she would change her mind. She felt so far away, further away than ever before. And they should be closer, not further away, shouldn't they?

It was the war. It was the _goddamned _war.

"I think I can understand," he mumbled, pulling at Timcanpy's wings and stretching them, and the golem, like they were rubber (this had become quite a bad habit... and he was never in a good mood while doing it) where he sat cross-legged on his bed. He, Link and Tevak hadn't returned to the Order for a long while. Lenalee had gone home a day or so ago from assisting them in a mission, but they were on a new one.

Again.

No rest. They had been out on the field for three weeks.

"Understand what, Walker?" Link asked from where he was writing his reports. Like always.

"Why the Order goes to such extent to win the war... Even if I don't agree with it..." Allen replied silently, forehead furrowing into a frown.

"That's good to hear, Walker. You're growing," Link said with the kind of blank bluntness that only he could use. It was like a hammer hit you square in the head.

Allen huffed and pulled a bit too hard, causing Timcanpy to snap at his hand so that he was forced to let the poor golem go, watching as he angrily flew over to occupy Link's head.

"At least I can think for myself," he muttered.

Link glanced up at Timcanpy, looking a bit irritated, but Timcanpy usually did more annoying things than that so he seemed to accept it. Well, _had_ to accept it because Timcanpy was too stubborn to listen to any complaints.

"Is there something you are trying to tell me?" the Crow inquired, speaking slowly and clearly as if Allen wouldn't understand it. How dared he?

Allen scowled, his lips pursing into a pout without him really wanting them to (it didn't exactly make it look like he was "growing", did it?). But then, he just smiled sweetly and hopped off the bed to change and go to sleep. They had a long day ahead of them.

"Nothing, nothing at all," he said in a tone that told the opposite. Yes, yes, he was trying to tell Link something. But Link knew, he could see that from the expression on the blond's face.

. . .

Allen was searching. Searching for Lenalee. Because they had to talk. They really did. Even if he didn't particularly like talking... Sometimes it had to be done, didn't it? Lenalee always said that she was there if you wanted to talk, she always did, to everyone. To Kanda, who would snort, to Lavi, who would grin and say thanks but that it wasn't needed, to Komui, who would smile and say that he knew that, to Allen, who would smile too widely and say that he would keep it in mind. She had even said so to Link. He had snorted too.

And she had told Timothy. Because she knew how it was to be a small child stuck in a war.

Timothy had said thanks, grinned and run off to chase Timcanpy around the room.

The memories stung.

Allen normally didn't talk about things. He preferred to smile and say it was nothing, nothing at all. And it made Lenalee mad.

He still did it. Until she eased it out of him.

He didn't know how to ease things out of her. Because usually, she eventually said things on her own. He had never had to. Now she hid things, she told half the truth, or decided to say something else instead of the truth.

Well... at least he thought it was something like that. He wasn't a people expert. He was supposed to understand Lenalee, though, wasn't he?

Speaking of Lenalee, there she was, up ahead in the corridoor, heading in the same direction as him. Her hips swayed elegantly like only her hips did, her skirt rustling silently with the movements of her legs, her long legs. Her hair had grown out a long time ago and was back in its usual pigtails. He could clearly see her neck even from this distance, clearly remember the feel of stroking his fingers and brushing his lips over it. He always did love touching it, and kissing it.

He increased his pace and raised his hand. "Lenalee!" he called out.

She stopped, turned around, the pigtails swishing, and smiled at him. Smiled with a hint of sadness. "Hey, Allen," she said and pecked his lips when he stopped in front of her. "You're finally back. Welcome home."

"Yes, I'm home, finally," he said tiredly and sighed, grabbing her hand. "And... I want to talk to you."

Her expression changed in a second. Wariness flickered in her eyes, her smile fell just slightly though it was still there and her eyebrows drew together just a little bit. But mostly she looked curious. Allen didn't say "I want to talk", he didn't.

"Okay."

They continued down the hallway, holding hands despite the invisible wall that was between them. Allen didn't know when it had gotten there, he really didn't, but it was there now, and he hated it.

"Are we alright, Lenalee?" he began, in a mumble. "Are we alright? Things aren't the same anymore."

Lenalee squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. "I don't know... I don't know, Allen," she muttered, and for a moment the wall between them disappeared as she leaned towards him, their feet knocking against each other so that they could trip any moment. There was something that grew in them both, but something that died at the same time. Particularly in Lenalee. "We're... hanging on."

Somehow, they were hanging on. She got that one right.

Two words hung above their heads, unspoken.

_For now_.

They had to keep doing that.

Lenalee suddenly leaned very heavily against him and he stumbled to the side, nearly fell. She clenched his hand painfully, and the other one she raised to grip his shirt, just as hard. He didn't have time to ask what was wrong before the weight was gone just as suddenly and he was pulled to the side and into Lenalee's room. When had they gotten there?

She kicked the door closed and locked it. And then she tugged him further in until she could sit on the bed.

"Lenalee?" he asked.

"Allen," she muttered and tugged at his tie, her hands trembling. Her breath was growing heavier. "I... don't know if it's wise... But I need you."

She threw the tie away, her cheeks burning red, and his probably was too. Had he heard correctly? Her hands moved to the back of his neck and tugged him down, his lips crashing down on hers. Her tongue was in his mouth the moment they did.

And there was so much emotion.

She was in pain. She wanted-- no, she _needed_ something to get her mind off it. Her heart was aching, he could feel it, in her kiss. Somehow, he could feel it.

She didn't want to talk.

She wanted to do.

Kanda style.

Kanda and Lavi style, more precisely.

She tugged his hands down to her hips and pressed them down, before she got to work on removing his vest, shakily and slowly. His heart was already racing, out of nervousness mostly. This would be their first time... He had yet to turn eighteen, but he didn't know _exactly_ when his birthday was, did he? Maybe he was already eighteen without knowing it... It was this year he was turning eighteen after all... It didn't matter. If Lenalee needed it, he would give it to her.

She tugged him down.

And it was all one big mess as they struggled with removing the clothes. The room got very hot, overwhelmingly so, their breaths very heavy, their cheeks deeply flushed and their skins very sweaty. And there were moans and cries and pants when he entered her and moved inside of her, slowly and carefully, afraid to hurt her. But she told him it was okay, so the pace increased eventually.

And when they finished, the magic disappeared. The atmosphere became suffocating. Allen had to excuse himself and leave. Lenalee seemed to understand. He thanked God for that.

And yet it happened more times after that. For some reason, they continued doing it, even if it obviously wasn't good for their relationship.

Why?

Allen had no idea.

_But remember when I moved in you _

_And the Holy Dove was moving too _

_And every breath we drew was hallelujah _

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah _

Allen thought that the biggest move they did might just have been what began to destroy them in the end. It had seemed so wonderful at the time. Actually, it had been wonderful, truly. But it was a bad idea. There was something that changed after that. After they had been moving together, sweaty skin slipping against sweaty skin, trembling hands gripping him tightly...

When he had been sliding in and out of her, hot breaths mingling together, and everything had been so amazing and the only thing he had been able to say had been "Oh God, Lenalee, oh God". It had been so hot and she had been moaning his name and it had driven him crazy and it had just been so damn overwhelming.

After they had been doing all that, something died each time.

If things could just be like when they were... doing it... then things would be great.

But it wasn't like that.

_Maybe there is a God above _

_But all I've ever learned from love _

_Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya_

Allen used to believe in God. He really did. And still, now that he didn't anymore, not really, he kept praying. He didn't know why, but it felt good, somehow. Maybe it was because there was some part of him that said that maybe there actually is a God, and that in that case he shouldn't just throw Him away because things were bad.

Still, when Lavi was sitting in front of you and looked practically miserable, you had to wonder. Because if Lavi looked miserable - and sure, he could look sad, but not miserable - then could there really be a God that watched out for them somewhere out there? Allen was really beginning to doubt it. He didn't pray to a God, he prayed to something else. Hope, maybe. Mana, maybe. But not God.

"Love is painful, isn't it, Lavi?" he sighed and patted Lavi on the back.

"Yeah, no kidding..." the redhead muttered, face buried in his arms, arms resting on his knees. "What was I thinking? Tell me that, Allen. What was I thinking?"

"I don't know," Allen said and grimaced. "If you can't answer, then how do you expect me to? I don't understand you at all." And how it was possible to fall for Kanda he really _couldn't grasp_. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Don't you just want to _hurt_ them, sometimes? When they talk as if they _know_ everything, when they yell at you for things you don't _understand_, when they _rip out _your heart and _step_ on it _over _and _over_ again, don't you just want to _hurt_ them?"

Lavi slowly raised his head and eyed Allen, who was breathing heavily by now, teeth bared, eyes and hands twitching, blood _boiling_. Allen saw the slight surprise slowly change into understanding. Then, the Bookman Apprentice finally nodded, slowly, and smiled just a little.

"_So badly_," he agreed.

Allen took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes, allowing himself to calm down, so that his blood was only bubbling a little. "And yet you still love them," he mumbled and opened his eyes again, returning the smile. "Because even so, they matter too much to your life. It's like the air you breathe. You can't live without them."

Lavi snorted a little. "Yeah? I'll have to eventually."

Allen squeezed his shoulder and leaned back a little in the couch. "You can't think about that now, though. And if you really love him, then you can fight for him. I'm not giving up with Lenalee. I'll get through to her."

Suddenly it didn't seem all that impossible anymore. Maybe he could actually manage that, maybe it was possible.

All of a sudden there was the sound of an explosion and the alarm activated.

_And it's not a cry that you hear at night _

_It's not somebody who's seen the light _

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah _

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

The very pillars of Lenalee's world were falling apart. She screamed and protested and kicked and bit when the guards pulled her away. She wanted to cry blood, but she could only cry tears. Her throat was aching, but that didn't matter. Nothing compared to the pain of a broken heart. It wasn't happening. It was not happening. _It was not happening_.

"DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME!" she shrieked, her voice bouncing off the walls, ringing in her ears. The weight of the talismans around her legs were unbearable. "I'M NOT LEAVING HIM!"

"Miss Lee! Calm down! Let them try to save him the best they can!" one of the guards snapped, trying to overpower her cries.

"LET ME GO!"

They stopped dragging her and held her arms tightly as she tried to follow the stretcher that disappeared around the corner. Her tears dripped to the floor as she kicked at the guards, sobbing and choking on the air. She wanted to tear out her heart, because it hurt so _damn much_. And she couldn't stop it. And she couldn't stop this. And she could do _nothing_. She was powerless.

With a last, drawn out, sorrowful whine she slumped in the guards' grip on her arms, her head falling forward. The scene kept playing in her mind as she shook, her vision blurred from the tears. The level 4's hands getting a firm grip on Komui's coat. Komui crashing into the wall with blood gushing out of his side. The level 3's blade falling down and... and... Komui's left leg left on the ground as the level 4 grabbed him again...

Komui was _dying _and they didn't allow her near him. He was her _brother_!

Please, God.

"Let me be with him... please..." she mouthed, barely whispered, another sob escaping past her lips.

"Let her go."

That was Kanda. Ohh, Kanda...

"We can't do that. The orders were not to let Miss Lee near the medical ward."

"And why the fuck not?"

That was a very good question. She had _every right _to be there. _Every right_. She _needed_ to be there. She wanted to know if her brother was going to be alright, if he was going to live, if he... if they couldn't save him.

"Those were the orders. We don't know how she'll react if--"

"If Komui dies?"

She flinched and choked on another sob. She didn't know what she would do if he died... Kanda just had to be so blunt. It hurt, it hurt so much and the scene kept playing. Komui's wide eyes and his cries of pain. He wasn't used to pain, damn it, he wasn't _used to it_. He had to be in so much pain. Dear, dear Komui...

"Don't just say--"

"I'll say it if I damn well want to. And you can bet she'll be much more violent if she's not allowed to be there with him if it happens. He's her _brother_. Does Lvellie really have that little of a heart? What gave him the stupid idea that keeping her away from Komui is the better way to go?"

Kanda's voice was dark, low and threatening. She hadn't felt as grateful towards him as she did now for a long time. Not since he protected Komui during the first invasion of HQ. She tugged against the grip on her arms again, standing back on her feet. She couldn't just _give up_ like this, could she? No, definitely not. She was stronger than this, she was stronger. She was _going _to be there. No. matter. what.

"We don't have the right to question--"

"Fucking mindless puppets!"

Kanda growled it out this time - it sounded like it was between his teeth - rapidly.

There was the sound of a sword being drawn.

"Yu Kanda, if you don't put that away this instance we will have to resort to drastic measures."

Kanda snorted.

"I don't give a fuck what you do. Central can't do worse than what has already been done. Let her go, or _she_ will have to carry _you_ to the medical ward soon enough."

Lenalee somehow managed to get in a good kick in one of the guards' crotches. With the heel on her shoe. And Kanda wasn't joking. When the other guard refused to let her go and had to occupy himself with keeping her from escaping, Kanda knocked them both unconscious.

Not that it meant they would have to be brought to the infirmary.

"They won't let you get away with that," she whispered and wiped her eyes.

"I don't care. I'm not loyal to them," he muttered bitterly.

She somehow managed to smile at him.

He allowed her to lean against him as they walked towards the ward in silence; there was nothing to be said. She didn't _need_ it, not really, but it felt solid. Something she could still grip, something that stopped the pillars from crumbling, even if just for a moment.

It was enough.

. . .

Komui was stable. For now. His wounds had been taken care of and were bandaged up. It hurt to see the blanket over him lie on the mattress where it should be lying on a leg...

Lenalee bit her lip and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "Don't die, brother," she whispered and a knife struck her heart. She swallowed. She wanted to cry blood again. "Please don't die."

Matron said he might not survive. She had hugged Lenalee and apologised and said that she couldn't lose hope. Lenalee hadn't said anything. Because she wasn't sure she could promise anything. Because she didn't know if she would be fine if Komui died. She began to cry again. The tears rolled down her cheeks slowly, falling down into her lap on the bare skin just beneath her skirt. This time she cried silently.

The door to the medical ward opened and she spared it a quick glance. There stood Link, and Allen, who spared the Kanda leaning against the wall a quick glance before grabbing a chair and sitting down next to Lenalee (Link stood a little bit away from Kanda and watched). She could see a hint of worry in his eyes, but he still smiled. But at least it wasn't wide, and at least it didn't hide anything. Good. She would have hit him otherwise.

"How is he?" he asked and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Matron says he's stable, but... he might not survive," she said silently. The hand clenched a little.

They didn't move or talk. Kanda left the room eventually, without a word. Allen glared at him, but she didn't care. It was fine, he was allowed to do that. Finally, she let go of Komui's hand and turned a little towards Allen, eyeing him.

"Tell me what you think, Allen," she said silently. "Do you think my brother will survive?"

She could see the hesitation flicker in his eyes. He was going to lie, she knew it.

"Yes. Definitely," he said with a quick nod and an all too wide smile. "He wouldn't leave you behind, would he?"

Lenalee glared at him. "No!" she said sharply and he flinched, the smile falling immediately. "That's not what I want to hear. What do you _really _believe, Allen? You're not as naïve as Kanda always says. Tell me the _truth_, don't try to soften the blow. Do you think my brother will survive?"

Allen's gaze flickered and he looked at the empty space where Komui's leg should be. Couldn't he look somewhere else?

He was thinking intensily. His frown was deep and uncertain. Even when she said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell her the truth... Damn it, he was so damn _stupid_. She didn't need anyone to give her false hopes. Her hope was dead already, she thought that much was obvious. She didn't want people to baby her. She was trying to be realistic. At least Kanda supported her. He had always done that. No matter what. Even when she was more naïve than he personally liked, he supported her. But she had grown now. She had changed.

Her world was crumbling and there was nothing she could do about it.

That was fact.

She could only wait and see if it changed, if her world was going to survive for a little longer.

"I... believe in what Matron said," Allen mumbled after a while. "If she says he might not survive, then he might not survive."

She smiled and put her hand under his chin, tilting his head to make him look at her. "Thank you," she said softly.

"But I _believe_," he added, putting something special into the word "believe", something that made it mean something else, something bigger, something... hopeful.

And his eyes were determined.

She flinched back a little, because that gaze was so intense. Too intense. It was as if it tore straight through her soul.

And he continued talking.

"Lenalee. Komui's not the one dying. You are."

She frowned, her lips parting slightly. She wasn't dying. She was changing.

"I'm not--"

Allen put a finger to her lips. She blinked. "Don't interrupt me, Lenalee," he said and smiled a little. "You're not Lenalee anymore. You're different. Kanda told you the same thing, didn't he? We've talked and we're worried about you. Kanda said you're changing a lot now, the way you view the world is changing. Isn't it? But you can't lose yourself, Lenalee. Please don't lose yourself. And at least try to hope. Without hope, what are we?

"Allen... We're in a war," Lenalee muttered and grabbed his hand with both of her own, squeezing it lightly. "People die every week... The Earl's forces are getting stronger... Hoping is..." She widened her eyes slightly, a sudden thought hitting her, and then she swallowed, bit her lip and pulled his hand to her chest, squeezing it harder, her voice lowering to a whisper. "Hoping scares me."

Allen put his other hand over one of hers and squeezed too. "You've been able to do it once," he said and smiled reassuringly, but not too widely. Her heart fluttered like it hadn't done in a while, even as it was; in pieces. "You can do it again. You want Komui to live. Then hope. For him. Believe in him."

She took a deep breath and returned the smile. "You're right," she said silently. "I'll believe." She moved her hands to bury her fingers in his hair.

She hadn't done it for so long.

God, she loved his hair.

She tugged him closer. "I love you, Allen," she whispered against his lips before pressing her own against them. A few pieces of her heart seemed to glue back together.

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

Komui survived.

When Matron came with the message that the danger was over, Lenalee had to sit down and just breathe as tears of relief began to fall. Komui had woken up a few times, and every time he had insisted on saying...

_"I love you, Lenalee."_

And everytime more of her heart glued back together.

And at the same time it hurt because it made her fear that maybe he was expecting to die and just wanted to tell her as often as possible before it happened.

But he survived. And when he woke up again he said it again. This time she could reply.

"I love you too, Komui," she said and smiled widely, squeezing his hand.

She didn't say it enough, did she?

. . .

The recovery took a painfully long time. Even after Matron had said the danger was over Lenalee found herself worrying. But there was one thing that made it easier to get through it all. Her and Allen were finally alright again, or at least working on getting there. Komui's replacement was a decent Supervisor, but everyone agreed that no one could replace Komui. Even Kanda did it _whole-heartedly_, not with just a silent grunt or anything like that. It was with a "what he said" after Lavi's "hell yeah".

Yes, that was whole-heartedly. In Kanda standards it was.

Komui laughed where he sat in his wheelchair, practicing to move around without someone pushing him. Timcanpy busied himself with chasing the wheels with bared teeth.

"Now now, he's doing a good job, be nice," he smiled and pushed at the wheels a bit too hard. "This is hard getting used to..."

"Hey, we didn't say he's bad or anythin', we just said you're much better," Lavi said and smirked a little. "Though if anyone should replace you it should be Reever. But they said he 'has too much to do as it is'."

Allen coughed a little. Reever already did half of Komui's job... What he could do, that is. Some things strictly had to be done by the Supervisor.

"At least he's different from the other Central bastards," Kanda muttered.

"I heard that, Kanda," Link said bitterly and scowled. "Watch your words."

Kanda snarled at him.

Komui was busy recovering. The rest of the Order was busy repairing. _Still _repairing, even after a couple of months. This invasion had been worse. They had lost a lot of manpower, but still, somehow, the Headquarters was whole enough for them to still be able to use it. It just took a while to repair it, because they had a lot of other things to do with the war being as it was. The attack had been more of a sneak attack. Most level 4's were just plain destructive, but these ones hadn't had as widespread attacks. That didn't make them any less deadly. And this time, despite all the protection, one managed to get its hands on Komui.

Komui had said that the only time he had felt more scared in his whole life was when he lost Lenalee.

She absently ran her fingers through his hair as he took a break from driving the wheelchair around the room. Allen had an arm wrapped around her, giving her some comfort, just in case she needed it. She didn't, really, she felt quite calm like this. Then again, that might have been _because_ he had his arm around her.

She was beginning to get used to the image of Komui missing a leg now. Slowly and steadily.

"I think you need a haircut soon, brother," she mused silently.

"I'm going to create a leg," Komui said out of the blue, patting one of the wheels. "Because this is an absolute pain."

Everyone else in the room shared a glance - aside from Allen and Kanda who didn't even begin to look in the other's direction. No surprise there. They all obviously thought the same thing.

_'If he does that, will he be alright?'_

"Why so silent?" Komui asked and blinked at them.

"..."

Lavi burst into laughter. Lenalee and Allen raised an eyebrow at him before joining in silently, while Kanda just rolled his eyes and shrugged at the Supervisor's questioning glance. Oh, Kanda knew what it was, why he didn't say it... Lenalee couldn't answer that. He usually didn't hesitate in being blunt.

Maybe because it was a _leg_ they were talking about.

Link just scoffed at the stupidity of it all.

As Komui began to move around the room again, Lenalee leaned against Allen and watched her brother. It was such a relief seeing him thinking about his future inventions already and that the loss of his leg didn't affect him that much. He had gotten used to it by now, mostly, just like her, though the first month had been hard on him. Of course anyone who lost a limb would be shocked for a while...

Lavi grinned and held out his arms towards Kanda with a questioning look. And Kanda happily gave him the finger.

Lenalee sighed at the two of them and glanced up at Allen, who rolled his eyes.

She was learning to believe again. Komui had survived the attack of a level 4. That had to mean they still had a chance, right? Or, well, maybe not. But that had to mean that maybe believing worked.

Or maybe it was Allen's prayers to a God none of them believed in.

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah _

_Hallelujah_


End file.
